Unsettled
Waking with an unsettling feeling can be so distracting and frustrating at the same time.
Unsettled about decisions made yesterday.
Unsettled about words spoken.
Unsettled about actions and reactions.
Feeling unsettled can be so heavy on my heart most mornings. I wish I could be the fun mom who does not allow the little things to get under her skin. I wish I could be the understanding wife who graces everything with ease and a calm demeanor. I wish I could be someone; anyone but who I am today!
I can not tell you how many times I have googled how to be more fun. I have looked for answers in a book or someone else’s story of struggle with this in their lives. My searchings turn up NOTHING!! Which of course then makes me feel even worse about myself and the woman I am… finding nothing means I am the only woman who struggles to be more fun.
So here I sit another morning feeling defeated about how I dealt my husband last night and how I reacted to my son this morning. If God is so all-powerful and all-knowing then He would know I am struggling to be a better version of me and He would send me some help.
Wouldn’t He?
Does He even care that I am not able to sit and relax in the midst of the chaos of my own life?
How can I encourage woman to relax and sit if I myself am so high-strung and so determined to make everything perfect?
I can still remember my first time sitting with a therapist as she was going over the results of my psychological testing for grad school. She told me I have a pretty level head on my shoulders but I needed to have more fun. I remember distinctly grabbing my pen and a piece of paper ready to hear her suggestions. Sadly none came… she said I needed to figure it out for myself. So I did nothing!
Feeling defeated I resolved this is who I am and if God wanted me to change He would drop a book in my lap to read about having more fun and being less rigid.
Right?
Recently as I have been journeying through the bible on my own I have realized all too often I want commentary or someone else’s thoughts on the bible yet God made us for relationship with Him. All this time I have sat and waited for a book when I had His word and relationship to learn from….so, that is what this is… the beginning of my journey into becoming a Fabulously Fun Woman of God!
My idea of fun has obviously shifted since becoming a Christian in my early twenties and I think it is time for me to redefine what fun is and how to have more fun… I would love to hear your stories ladies and your struggles with being more fun, relaxed and a Fabulously Fun Woman of God!!
I will do my best to share what God is teaching me about fun and I look forward to hearing your stories as well.
Let the fun begin!
Posted on October 10, 2012, in Random and tagged Fabulously Fun Women of God, Fun, God Journey, Praise and Coffee, Women of God. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.
Beautifully written! You Fabulously Fun Woman of God!
I think my husban has taught me to be more fun. Once I had kids my worry level skyrocketed. I was a worrier befor, but after kids I was the queen of worrying! I grew up with thrifty parents who made us feel like once something was gone, it was gone. My husband has taught me that everything can be fixed or replaced. Humans and relationships can’t. My oldest just loves her daddy. In watching their relationship I have learned to be more fun and worry less. It’s a daily struggle to give all my worries to God, especially now, in the midst of a cross country move. He stops me often from yelling at my two year old. I can clean her clothes and messes, but I can’t undo when I yell at her. Both of our lives are better and more fun. But everything is a daily, or even moment by moment battle. Now, thanks to God’s gentle voice, I get down on the floor and get dirty and play with my kids rather than yelling at them or getting upset about their messes.